Calories out

As far as I am concerned there are only two ways to eliminate calories from your body, one involves sitting on one of these.

Everybody has one of these in their house

This is a half-assed approach.  By the time the lasagna you shoved down your gorge for dinner gets to your lower end, most of the calories have been sucked out of it.  What’s left is waste, which is why you crap it away.  The other entails more then a modicum of physical exertion.  It is called exercise for you dumb shits out there.  If you are in the minority who say there are other ways to eliminate calories you’re even dumber then the dumb shits who try and shit them away.  Personally, I would rather work them off.  Call me idiotic, but there is something enjoyable in tossing around a pair off dumbbells.  Can you think of a better way to work off stress?  Believe me it works!  I also find something fulfilling in curling and pressing poundage in your middle-age.  This does not mean you should run out and buy yourself a full blown weight set or throw away a couple of grand on one of those fancy shmancy machines, you know, the ones that do every thing except wipe your ass.  Start looking at your diet and go buy yourself a small set of dumbbells.

Start off with 10 or 15 pounders

Start thinking nutritiously.  Don’t be an asshole limit yourself to poached egg whites and steamed chicken breast, and don’t for a second think there isn’t some moron out there who is going to do exactly that!  Do a little research, we are all individuals and as a result not every diet will work for you.  I would also recommend your not joining something like Nutrisystem or Jenny (previously known as Jenny Craig).  Most important!! ease yourself into it.  Abrupt changes always fail, which is why your gordo deluxe will always be a gordo deluxe. Sure, they may lose a couple of pounds every now and then but they’re always going to pound it back on.