The Thin Blade of Truth

When I was young, two of the things I most wanted when I reached adulthood were 1. to be at least 6 feet tall, well, I missed it by a half inch; 2. to be able to grow a beard.  Did I tell you I grew to be 5 feet 11 1/2 inches in my stocking feet?  Now, I have had a mustache for years, and can grow a goatee in a couple of days flat. The hair follicles on my cheeks, however, are quite challenged.  I have hair growing on my chest, on my back, arms, legs.  I have hair on my toes and growing out my nose.  This doesn't mean I don't have hair growing on my cheeks, I do, but there are holes and gaps.  When I was younger I could go for almost a month at a time without shaving.  Not any more.  It grows faster, now-a-days, just not thicker.  As a result, I need to shave, usually every other day.

While I do have Braun rechargeable I plug in every now and then, mostly I use a razor.  My weapon of choice for the past year has been the Gillette Power Fusion (it vibrates).  The only real problem is that the blades are expensive as hell, $19.99 for 4.  The one saving grace is that with my beard, or lack there of, a pack of four will easily last me 9 to 10 months.  Unfortunately that positive doesn't dampen the negative feeling I get every time I need to buy a new pack.

These make the skin on my face as smooth as a baby's ass

So, last week while I was strolling the aisles of my local Giant Supermarket, I paused to check out my options in the blade department.  This is what happens when moments of cheapness descend upon me.  I start to rationalize. My eyes kept going back to a package of Gillette Custom Plus.  Sure, they had plastic handles, but there were 10 razors for $8.49...and they pivoted.  Holy Crap, they even came in a resealable packaged, as if there were a chance they might lose their freshness.  The logical part of my brain kept whispering "this is too good to be true," however the cheap part of my brain won out.  When I went through self-checkout I had a package of the Gillette Custom Plus nestled in the bottom of my shopping bag.  Big mistake.

The latest trend in torture devices

The first shave went well enough... until I realized the blade had failed to shave away even a single hair.  So, I shaved again, applying a little more pressure, clean shaven, though not the finest shave I'd ever had.  Still, I told myself, remember, they were cheap.  My third shave resulted in razor burn.  All day, while I was waiting on customers at work, and my cheeks were tingling, and not in a good way.  The last time I had razor burn I was 16 years old and had shaved 5 times in one day.  You see a friend had told me shaving stimulates beard growth.  Two of the truths in my life are: my friend lied, and these razors are shit.  All blades are not the same.  In the end I didn't save anything.  I need to shave because I can't grow a beard.  Since I need to shave, I went out and bought the more expensive blades.  The thin blade of truth slices both ways.