Farting into the Republican Convention

Well, the Republican convention starts either tonight or tomorrow night, I'm not sure.  I mean, like why would I watch it.  They've been scrambling for days trying to get speakers; everybody keeps dropping out.  Scott Baio is going to speak (cue laughter), so are 4 of Trump's children, also known as the DKDM (Different Kids from Different Mothers) which, if enunciated sounds a lot like dickd'em.
Tim Tebow was listed as being a speaker, but was never asked.  I watched his video in which he explained why he wasn't speaking and was surprised he sounded so little like a football player and so much more like a man who truly was saving his body for Jesus, literally.
And it's funny at work because we have a Trumplodite in the Appliance Department, and on Saturday he was actually espousing concern about the Freedom to Carry law in Ohio.  "Do we really want protesters with guns there?" he worried.  Woah, his concern stunned me.  But then I realized he was more likely concerned about someone actually shooting a Pro-Trump delegate, which would be one less vote.
Anyway, onto something funnier.  I bought the dogs a new toy.  A blue pig.  But not just any blue pig, this one makes a farting noise when squeezed.  That's right, it doesn't squeak, it farts.  They both love it.  Like right now, while I'm sitting up here typing this out, I keep hearing this fart, fart, fart coming up from downstairs.

Big Seig and the farting pig

They carry it all over the house.  This means that while, Ivanka, or Ivana, or Scott (but not Tim) are speaking, I'll be sitting here listening to 'fart fart, fart fart, fart fart.