Massage This

For some of you today is the end of your work week, for me, however, today is my hump day.  Yesterday was slow, sales will only slow down from here on out.  They are consolidating all of the Black Friday merchandise and beginning to drop prices on it.  When I pointed out how empty the aisles were looking to one of our cashiers he said, "oh, they'll fill up.  Wait until they start putting out the Christmas stuff."  Duh... The put our Christmas merchandise out for Black Friday.  This guy has worked as a part-time cashier for 5 years... oh, and he's a really big supporter of the Idiot Jerk in the White House.  Doesn't that explain everything?
Every year they bring in product which someone, somewhere feels our customers will see as a 'real deal.'  Every year, they make mistakes.  This year, there were several non-deal makers.  The biggest non-seller is without a doubt the Portable Mini-Massager.

As you can see, we've sold very few.  They weren't impressed with my suggestion:  Shoot an email off to Ivana through her private account and tell her they were made in Russia.  She could gift them to her father, the Idiot Jerk in the White House.  He loves everything Russian.  If you want to see him bouncing around like a bowl of morally degenerate jelly, just say the words "Russian Massage."  Of course the first question out of his mouth to Ivana will be "did you get them for a steal?"  Oh, wait, maybe I should say 'deal'... nay, steal is more accurate.
After Michael Cohen's guilty plea yesterday, we know for him everything revolves around the deal, in fact the deal overrides everything.  The constitution?  Nothing more than a failed contract in his mind.  Ask him.  He'll tell you he could rewrite it and make it better.  In his constitution only certain white men are created equal.  His decision to not meet with Putin has much more to do with Cohen's plea than the Ukraine.  The midterms have put those deals he's been making with social conservatives in jeopardy.  He's hedging his bets, you know?  Like a real deal maker.  I wouldn't be surprised if he starts giving all of those Mini-Massagers gifts he gets from Ivana out to his supporters.  Can't you hear the Idiot Jerk saying "hey, those deals I made with you?  Another offer's been made which looks to be a better, safer bet.  You know?  The Conservatives didn't quite hold up their end of the deal during the midterms.  But don't get upset.  I'm going to give you these massagers instead.  I hear they're simply tremendous in the shower!"