The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

 Oh, my, according to the weather on my computer in about 2 hours gusty winds are predicted.  This means any yardwork I want to do before heading off to work will need to be done now.  Oh, well, the only yardwork on my list is watering the grapes, so I'm pretty much set to go.

Yesterday was a really good day of accomplishment.  I was going to ride the bike, but ended up doing a dumbbell workout instead.  Sometimes, when I ride for too long, I will get leg cramps and last night I went to the movies.  Let me tell you, it can be downright excruciating for your quads to start cramping sitting in a seat at the theater.  Usually, we will sit in the 2nd row behind the handicap accessible space made for wheelchairs.  Rather then a row of seats in front, there are railings and I can stretch my legs between the bars.  No problem.  I've also learned not to ride the bike before a movie.

Oh, and what movie did I see?  The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare.  Based on actual events, it's a Guy Ritchie film, a bit on the hyper-violent side, and quite funny at times.  Henry Cavil was one of the stars and I have to admit, I think this was the first time I've ever seen him in a movie.  I never wanted to see his Superman flicks.  The entire cast was good.  If you don't mind the overtop violence, put this on your list.  And, as an interesting side note, one of the characters is Ian Flemming... yes, that Ian Flemming, the one who wrote the James Bond books.

And yesterday was election day in Pennsylvania.  The Democratic race I thought most interesting was the seat held by Scott Perry.  He was uncontested on the Republican side.  The Democrats had a number of candidates vying for the nomination.  The winner was Janelle Stellson.  For years she was a newscaster on the local ABC affiliate station and has unbelievable name recognition.  The one constant in her campaign was her anti-Perry push.  It was constant. While I didn't vote for her, I do believe she has a very good chance of replacing him.

And, of course, yesterday Pecker leaked.  Sorry, I had to do that you know?  For those who don't know, Pecker is the CEO for the National Inquirer, the largest tabloid newspaper in the US.  Back in 2016 he made an agreement with Trump to run fake stories about his competitors, while at the same time quashing stories about Trump's womanizing, and having to pay off porn stars, and hookers to keep them from talking.  Their talking would have hurt Trump's campaign.  So, Pecker helped to shut them up.  What is newsworthy about his testimony, is that Trump has remained relatively silent about it, instead continuing to focus his ire on the judge.

Decorate This

I always do my reading in the morning, which consists of the NYT, news websites and blogs.  This morning Sean, one of the bloggers I read, was talking about a current project he was working on, a very labor intensive update of his family room.  He had a line about meeting with a decorator which I found intriguing.  You see I manage the paint department for a high volume, home improvement store.  Last year my sales were over $2.2 million, that's a lot of paint.  As such I get to deal with a lot of "decorators," (notice the quotation marks.)  I will leave the decorator stories for him.  This is mostly my gripe about the shitty schedules I get, you'd think with that type of money coming in they cut me a break.  How crappy are they?  Yesterday I started an 8 day stretch, that's right, I get to work 8 days in a row before I get another day off.  And it's not as though the next 8 days are going to be a cakewalk.  Yesterday I was in a 5:30 AM, today I'm in a 2 in the afternoon staying until 10:30 PM, and then I get to back to work 11 hours later.  That's right, I get 11 hours off before going back for another 9 hours.

What makes this just a bit saltier is the fact that I'm supposed to be participating in a Health Challenge in order to maintain a $50 monthly deduction from my Health Insurance.  One of the questions you're supposed to answer daily is "did you get 7 hours of sleep last night?"  And the answer is... no.  I have dogs and their routine is to get up around 5:30 in the morning (I get them up at 3:30 when I need to be there by 5:30).  Rare are the nights I get a good 7 hours of sleep, mostly it's between 5 and 6.  On the 7th and 8th days of this stretch I have to be at the store by 5:30 in the morning, so those will be early days for the girls.

Of course, with this Health Challenge, you're also supposed to be working out on a regular basis.  Now that's a laugh.  Talk to any personal trainer and they'll tell you one of the most important thing you can do is to set up a routine:  Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays are weight training, Tuesdays and Thursdays are Cardio.  It doesn't need to be those specific days, but you need a routine to follow on a regular basis.  This is how we create habits.  My schedule precludes any such routine or any kind of regime.  In case you are wondering, I am not alone.  All full-time associates deal with this nightmare.  This is the horror of retail scheduling.  You have no idea how often I would like to call corporate and tell them to just Decorate This.

    

I'll be honest, I like reading about health, and exercise and weight loss.  The things people either write or publish can be either be enlightening, uninformed or simply ludicrous.  I enjoy the enlightened ones, scoff at the uniformed and shriek with derision at those so obviously ludicrous.  I read one of the latter ones on the MSNBC website under health.  Going back to find the link I was amazed to find that it seems to have disappeared.  The subject was on lifting weights and weight loss.  Now most people who are overweight want to lose a couple of pounds.  You know, with this economy it's less expensive to slip into last summer's duds then have to go out and buy knew ones, and the five or six pounds you put on thanks to Thanksgiving and Christmas and simply being too lazy is going to make them a snug fit.

Oops, some one's been dipping into the ice cream a little too much

The ludicrousness became apparent in the second sentence, after the authoress complained that Cardio was not helping her lose weight after having a baby.  Then she said, "and then I noticed people at the gym lifting weights."  It must never have occurred to her that a number of people go to gyms for strength training.  Maybe she thought body builders just do it in their basements, or garages.  Her reasoning to use weights to lose weight was because "after a work out your muscles burn calories for a long time."  This makes me wonder if maybe her Cardio was only cardio.  You know what I mean.  We've all seen those boneheads bouncing away on an elliptical because they're not using any resistance, or those who get off a stationary bike after windmilling their legs for a good thirty minutes without so much as a grimace.  Let me tell you, when I get off my bike my legs usually feel like rubber because I've worked those suckers.  Maybe she didn't lose weight because she didn't really watch her diet, you know those four bowls of pasta you eat after a workout help keep the thunder in your thighs.  I'm serious, because the emphasis was so overboard on weight training the article became nearly bizarre.  A smart work out incorporates both weight training and Cardio, don't rely on just one.  But as my friend Shaun said a long time ago, "your legs are the engines of your body."  

Tipping the Scales

The only way to know exactly how much weight you’ll need need to drop is by putting your ass on scale.  When looking down, if your gut is blocking the readout, consider yourself FAT.  The fatter you are the more difficult your weight loss regime is going to be.  Every time you cut calories those ugly fat cells are going to shriek with starvation.  That really is what you’re going to be doing, starving the hell out of your fat cells.

What do I climb on once a week:  A Tanita Ironman Body Scan.  Am I an Ironman?  Hell no.  However this scale does give you the option of using a sedentary or athletic algorithm. This is an important feature if you’re someone who works out regularly and maintains a cardio regime because, simply put, you’re not a sedentary individual, meaning you’re not dropping your ass in the sweet spot of your La-Z-Boy the second you get home from work.  You can even see how much you weigh in kilograms, which can be a fun trick to play on friends. 

The Ironman gives me a lot of good information, including weight, body fat %, and hydration and muscle mass.  The weight is accurate; the other three are “close, but no cigar.”  It also gives me my metabolic age, my bone mass, and the level of my visceral fat.  These readings are questionable at best. 

Tanita lets you print off a nice form for documenting your stats with cute little charts at the bottom so you can evaluate your results. I use a spreadsheet I wrote which lets me track what I consider pertinent information.

If you’re using an analog scale I recommend throwing the damn thing out of the window.  In case you didn’t know it, analog scales let your cheat.

Legs, the engines of the body.

Legs are the engines of your body, so I’ve been told by Shaun S. a former Wellness Coach. He’s right.  Your legs contain the largest muscle groups of your body and as such burn more calories then other muscle groups and put the ‘C’ in Cardio.  They are also the biggest pain in the ass to work out, which is why so many people ignore them.   You know who I’m talking about, those guys with a 48” chest, 22” guns and abs that run for miles sporting themselves around on a pair of flamingo legs. Your legs do let you know you’ve been ‘working’ your quads after a really good set of dumbbell squats and lunges, and of course later there will be the pain and suffering during your recovery period.  Stairs can be horrendous.  How bad can it get?  I have a friend who always gets quite religious after a leg workout, I know because he always seems to be muttering “oh, Jesus” under his breath.  The only thing that helps is the knowledge that once you get into a routine recovery speeds up a lot.  Instead of suffering through agony you merely pass through discomfort.

For the faint of heart there are alternatives to lunging and squatting, I know, I rarely do either.  This is one method.  I can pop either as little or as much weight I want on this baby.  Three times a week and you’re set.

And this is another way.  I can ride for miles and miles on a pair of these.

As for running?  I don't.  I've met too many people who ran in their twenties and thirties who now, heading into their sixties and seventies, find out they're going to need to replace knees and hips.  

Oh, by the way, the legs at the top?  They're not mine.  Mine are in much better shape.