Boobs, and their artifice

 Holy Crap!  I just realized today's Saturday.  Yesterday was Friday and all I did were chores, getting things done when you're a homeowner is important.   There are a lot of boxes checked from yesterday's list.  Unfortunately for me, now I have another 5 days of work before I actually have my weekend.  I can't wait for November.  Every day past is a day close.

By the time Wednesday rolls around, the temps here are going to be in the upper 80's (F), which is unseasonable.  

Oh, and I don't think I mentioned it, but I got another Specialist of the month award.  Besides getting a pin and a patch, I also get points towards buying something.  Last time I bought myself a water bottle which I have yet to use.  There's a big Under Armor logo on the front.  Unless I'm getting paid to advertise I don't wear or carry name brand products.  And, in case you're wondering, I did have them remove their little Faulkner logo when I bought my Subaru Crosstrek.  Car dealers are notorious for cheesing their way into getting free advertising.

And what about Caitlyn Jenner running for Governor of California.  Stop Laughing Now!  At first I thought this was a publicity stunt... and, well, I haven't actually decided if that is not the case.  Supposedly she has someone from Loser #45's campaign advising her.  If that's true, I don't doubt the Republican party sees this Boob as a way of syphoning LGBTQ votes into the recall process.  You see, there are other Boobs out there who don't realize Caitlyn has about as much smarts as a brick.

Left or right?  Which one's Caitlyn?

You know?  Sometimes you need to laugh.

And speaking of boobs, what about Katie Ivey, Governor of Alabama who just signed a piece of anti-transgender legislation meant to keep school aged trans girls from playing sports.  Curious, I tried to find out just how many trans girls were in school in Alabama.  That answer's hard to discern.  Privacy, you know?  I mean, is it as many as 5000, or is that number lower?  And out of that total number in the transition process, how many of them really want to play girl's basketball, or field hockey?  Of course, we all know the number isn't important to those Republican boobs.  This legislation has more to do with blowing hatred out of proportion.

Jane gets titylating

Well, we had our Holiday / Christmas Party last Sunday - I did go, for a bit, didn't stay long as the dogs had been by themselves in the house for over 11 hours.  Jane was there, of course.  In case you've forgotten, she's 77.  She'd invited one of the young guys who work for Solar City, kid around 24 or 25 years old.  He cancelled, said he'd gotten sick (wonder why).  This mean she was running solo.
Jane was dressed to the nines, shimmery, silver sequined shawl over a spaghetti strap dress, at least this is how her attire was explained to me since I only saw her briefly.  Anyway, Jane did dance with Glenda, another Solar City sales associate.  Upon returning to her table she complained about how hot she was feeling, all that dancing, you know?  So she decided to take off the shiny shawl, pulling it up and over her head.  To the horror of those at her table, her spaghetti strap dress had fallen while shew as dancing (at least that's what they're telling themselves) so the top was now below her boob line.  That's right.  Visualize it.  Think about it.  The 7 other associates at her table got doubled dosed, shot right between their eyes, with a pair of 77 year old tits.

Anyway, Jane's not happy with me at all.  Yesterday I found her at her register, waiting on a customer, while at the same time addressing Christmas cards to store associates, and she had an employee listing that included ID numbers and personal phone numbers... laying right out on the counter.  So, I took it from her and pissed her off.

As I was getting ready to leave for the day, one of my head cashiers said "looks like you're not going to get a Christmas card from Jane."  And then I laughed, and then he laughed.  Can it get any better than this?

Seth MacFarlane triumphs, Fox News craps its pants

I watched the Oscar telecast last evening and enjoyed it thoroughly.  Originally I'd thought "Lincoln" might sweep, but then I saw "Argo."  When the audience broke into rousing applause twice before the film ended, I knew I was seeing Oscar gold.

As far as Seth MacFarlane hosting, I think he hit a home run; reviewers were not as kind.  People seem to forget, or else they never saw, both Both Bob Hope and Johnny Carson telling jokes that were considered a bit more than ribald and tasteless for their times.  Surprise, they did, and then they would stand there looking like guilty little boys.  The show was never meant to be a "G" rated family affair.  True, some of Mr. MacFarlane's jokes did make the audience wince, but again, this is pretty much a standard feature.  Everybody watching needs to have those "oh, he didn't say that," moments, without them the show would be rather lame.  The "I've seen your Boobs," number came close to hitting the mother lode.  Guess what everybody's talking about today?  Guess what everybody's trying to watch on YouTube?  If you don't think Bob Hope, or Johnny Carson, or even Billy Crystal would have done that number, if they could have gotten it passed the censors, you are living on another dimensional plane.  Thank you, Mr. MacFralane for making me laugh so hard!

Hopefully, he'll be back next  year

Some moron whined about having a Bondless, James Bond tribute.  Excuse me, two of the actors who played 007 are in the 80's.  I would rather remember them as being young and vibrant rather then elderly.  Two of the actors who played the character were not very successful in the role, so do we really want them onstage?  Some people need to think before they whine.

Another idiot complained about not seeing the audience reaction after Streisand sang.  Holy Crap, she ended the 'In Memorium' segment.  I was glad they faded to black rather then show the audience hooping and hollering because they'd gotten a chance to see the legendary Streisand.

And then there was the review by Fox News.  I could only wonder if the writer survived a pre-frontal lobotomy at some time in the past.  I'm reading this thing with phrases about 'conservative, family values,' wondering if they know they've just shit in their pants.  Their sister network is Fox Entertainment.  When was the last time you heard of Fox Entertainment advertising conservative, family value programming.  Over the past decades, this is the network which has proffered such titles as  Nip/Tuck, and Dirt, both enduring, family value shows.  I remember way, way back when they struck pay dirt with a raunchy little sex comedy call "Married With Children."  Of course, Fox News has always managed to show a blind eye to vulgar relative.

Tattoo who?

A few words about tats.  I see a lot of them now-a-days and one of the first things I do is look from the Tat to the person sporting it for the world to see.  Should they have gotten it?  Sure, in some people's minds the body is a canvas on which to paint, but not all canvases are created equal.  If you're a male who's 5'10" and weighs 210 lbs don't get a tat you will need to show off.  Your canvas may be broad but it is not something one might really want to look at.  Please take this into consideration.  Let's say your wife or girlfriend or female person you hang out with has just had a baby and you're so overwhelmed you have the baby's face tattooed on your arm.  And let's say you're more then a smidgen over weight.  And let's say you suddenly loose fifty pounds.  That cute little bundle on your arm suddenly looks like Grandma Moses.  Or say the opposite happens and all that beer you've been drinking catches up with you.  Oh, shit, you suddenly have an unrecognizable melon head on your arm.

I'd advise against getting a Tat if you're over a certain age.  In spite of what you might think it is not going to make you look cool to a crowd twenty years younger then you.  They may compliment you on it, but it's not going to make you fit in any more then you already do.  If you chose to get a Tat make sure it is age appropriate.

Remember, as you age your body is going to change and as it changes so does your skin.  The Tat you get today is definitely not going to look the same twenty years from now.  If you go to the gym, you will need to go to the gym.  If you're a guy and you stop those firm pecs of yours are going to turn into saggy man boobs.  Think of this before you have some sort of massive breast plate inked onto your chest.  The same thing is true for girls.  I once worked with an eighteen year old girl who was a little on the chubby side.  She got herself a tramp stamp...a really big, tramp stamp.  Two months later she was 5 pounds heavier (she ate a lot of donuts) so uncouth me told her she needed to watch her diet other wise "ten years from now that stamp's going to be hanging down over your ass."  She was not at all appreciative.

Captured in mid-fall

Another thing, don't say you're going to get a Tat to show your individuality.  A couple of million guys said that and then went out and got Tribal Tats just so they could all look alike.  Talk about originality.

If you're a rock start you can get as many Tats as you want because you can afford it.  If you're not a rock start you're going to stand out in the crowd.

If you need to get inked, my recommendation is to practice discretion.  Think about how your body is going to look twenty or thirty years from now.  Remember, pretty colors fade and dark indigo remains and touching up can get expensive.  Most important, this is a trendy thing which is happening and unlike trendy hair styles (mullet or Mohawk?) which grow back, a Tat is going to stick around for a long, long time.  Getting them removed is very, very expensive.

Discretion is my motto