Diving in

Well, it's Monday and some of you are going back to work.  Not me, I'm sitting right in the middle of my Leave of Absence, not that I couldn't have gone back to work today... but why?  The discoloration south of the incision is rapidly disappearing and the stubble is surging, thank God I'm into cotton and not some poly blend (can you imagine all of the pulls?) no ouchy, ouchy for me.
I may go see "Justice League" tomorrow evening, haven't decided yet.  I would like to see Jason Momoa, fins and all, however

I suspect that in real life he's pretty much of an asswipe.  And then there's Ben Affleck as Batman... after 3 films with Christian Bale in that role, Ben just doesn't quite cut the mustard.  The fact that he's so unsuited for the role leads me to believe that this was not a casting couch decision, which means someone needed to be pretty drunk to think this was good was a good idea.  Rumor has it that this will be his last dance in the bat cape... we can only hope.
Yesterday I watched some Cyclocross racing on NBC Sports Gold, live from Belgium, and where I normally really like this type of bike racing, yesterday it was just okay.  For those who don't know, Cyclocross racing is taking your bicycle off road, and then having to ride over an obstacle course. 
There are hills

and barriers, and you need to be in really, really good shape.

Yesterday's race, however, was a women's race, and as the camera panned over the riders I saw that some of them had chosen to wear makeup....  Now, why would you put on makeup if you know there's a really, really good chance that you're going to do a header in the mud?

Notice, I almost wrote this entire entry without diving into the Idiocy in the White House, or the fact that thousands of Christian Ministers, and pastors did a header yesterday by failing to call out Roy Moore?  If you don't condemn, you condone.

The Teeny Weeny Truth (about male frontal nudity in films)

Recently there was a big commotion  about the possibility of seeing Ben Afleck's penis in "Gone Girl."  Of course, it was nothing but commotion.  At the same time there was an undercurrent of murmurings about the lack of frontal male nudity in films.  Why is it so many women do the money shots and men don't?  I would think the answer to be fairly obvious, (or maybe not).  Not all men are created equal, some are more equal then others.  Unfortunately a lot of things effect that equality, sometimes on a minute to minute basis.  Let me use women's breasts to make my point.  If you have an actress who wears a 38 D cup bra, and you put her in a cool room, she doesn't need to change to a 32 A cup.  However, if your average actor takes off his pants in a cool room, things minimize rather quickly.  And it's not just temperature which can effect these changes; all sorts of variables suddenly come in to play.  Even someone well endowed has times when all he seems to have are short comings.

Take Chris Evans, there are a lot of people who would love to see him doing full frontal on the silver screen.  Is it ever going to happen?  While 'never' is a terrible word to use, I'd say the possibilities of it happening are very, very unlikely. For him to do so, I suspect the scene would need to be the lynch pin of the film, that integral part holding it together.  Of course, then there is fan expectation.  What if it's a cold day on the set?  Would you really want fans to ask "is that all there is?"  In spite of what people may want, something like that can ruin a career, especially if that's the only reason they go see a film.  Sometimes the smartest move is not to give fans what they want.  If some things didn't seem to have a mind of their own, if they weren't fickle about the temperature, or who's looking at them.  If, in general, things were more equal, you might see more male frontal nudity.  As I said, however, there really are too many variables and, unfortunately, that is the teeny weeny truth.   

Going... going...gone girl

I went to see "Gone Girl" last evening.  It was very good, interesting.  And I didn't go just to see if I could get a of glimpse of Ben Affleck's penis (though I did look).  Now I know a lot of people fault him because his face is not that expressive, perhaps that is why he can play the part of every man very well - he does it in "Gone Girl."  In fact the entire cast does a fine job.  While the content is not the same, the movie did, in certain ways, remind me of "American Beauty."  Both films contain quite a bit of suspense towards the end, however it's not the scary movie kind of suspense.  No, this is more like the "squirm in your seat because it makes you feel creepily uncomfortable" kind of suspense.  Both films deal with marriage, though "Gone Girl" deals more with the entitlement some people feel when in a relationship.

Rosamond Pike stars as Amy Dunne, the girl who's gone missing, and she's getting a lot of well deserved praise for the part.  It was no more then 6 or 7 minutes into the film before I realized she suffered from 'spoiled brat syndrome,' a condition most often associated with single children.  I once worked with a man who had this condition who not only felt he was entitled, but could not, in even the most vaguest of ways, understand why you might disagree with him.  Needles to say, I didn't like him and I didn't like Amy.  

Hollywood likes tidy endings.  "Gone Girl" does not have a tidy ending.  This doesn't mean it's a messy ending, just that it's not tied up with a pretty, little bow.  In fact, as I was walking out of the movie theater I turned to my friend Patty and said "you know, I can see a sequel in the works, most likely titled 'Gone Guy.'"

  

Ben Affleck's penis

I'm going to see "Gone Girl" tomorrow evening.  It did well at the box office this past weekend, of course that is no indicator of whether the movie is good or not.  This is because, I suspect, many of the ticket buyers were going for the sole purpose of getting of glimpse of Ben Affleck's penis.  In case you hadn't heard, there's evidently a wee snippet of film where it winks at the camera.  I haven't searched, but I'm certain it also scored a big hit on the Internet.  What a learning experience this has been for Ben, that such a little thing can score big at the box office.  It wouldn't surprise me if he has them edit a little wiggle in to all of his past films which didn't break the box office bank.

Having said this, it's with heavy a heart I tell you that a very, very trustworthy source has informed me it's CGI.  That's right, it was shot in front of a green screen.  That isn't really Ben Affleck's penis you're seeing.  Nope, it's nothing more then code.  Amazing what they can do with a keyboard and mouse now-a-days, isn't it?  A dot here and a dot there and voila!  Giddy fans spending their giddy dollars.  And do you think my honesty is going to change anything?  Hell no.  They're already lining up at the box office to get a second glance of Ben Affleck's penis.  

Internet Security and Ben Affleck

This morning, as I went into my bank's website to transfer funds from my savings to my checking, I was presented with one of those little security questions I needed to answer when I set up my online account.  Of course, it's not only banks which make you provide answers to these preset questions, any website which maintains even the mildest forms of security is going to ask them.  They are all pretty standard:  where did you go to school?  What's your mother's maiden name?  How old were you when you lost your virginity?  Well, maybe not that last one, but wouldn't it be funny if it was asked?  If you think about it, those "personal" questions they ask are really not that personal.  It's not that difficult to find out what my mother's maiden name was, but finding out when I lost my virginity is a completely different story.  I'll give you a hint... it wasn't in the United States.  And I'm speaking about my straight virginity, not my gay virginity, because, again, they are two completely different thing, like drinking coffee.  Do you prefer your coffee black, or with cream?  I like mine with cream, no sugar.

Another funny question they ask is "What was the first musical instrument you learned how to play?"  I almost always answer that one.  So, which answer to do I give?  Piano, clarinet, french horn, skin flute?  Of course I can't tell you because then I'd blow my security.  I'll be honest, I do sometimes provide answers that are both inappropriate and incorrect.  A lot of times they will want to know who your best friends were.  You wouldn't believe some of my best friends:  Grover Cleveland?  Nah, dead too long.    David Arquette?  Hhhmm, maybe once or twice.  Brad Pitt?  Too married.  What I'm trying to say is they don't really know who your best friend was, so why not have a little fun?  They are not going to send you a nasty email shrieking "You were never friends with Ben Affleck!" because they don't really care, it's all digital to them.

Does Apple really care what your first musical instrument was?

Now I know there are those of you out there who are wondering  what happens if you forget your smart ass answer to one of these security questions.  Let me tell you, it happened to me once and, if you look out the nearest window, you'll see the world did not end.  Sad to say, there are a lot of people who answer these questions and then can't remember the answers.  Then they sit their thinking "was it my stepmother's maiden name or my birth mother's maiden name" and inevitably they make the wrong choice.  Or they forget that Droopie was officially their brother's dog, and that their first pet was actually a gold fish named Cleo, which is what they were thinking about when they answered the question.  It doesn't make a difference.  No website is going to bar you forever if you happen to answer the security question wrong.  Getting access again my entail calling an 800 number, sometimes it doesn't, and is normally not a very lengthy process.

If you're wondering, Ben Affleck was never one of my best friends when I was growing up.